I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
