She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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