White coat. Heels.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
