i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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