; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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