i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
