wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
