I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
