So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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