Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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