I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
