when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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