dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
