can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
