I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I look better un-naked...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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