I murdered the dance floor call the cops
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
