I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
