She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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