I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
