i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
