What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
