I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
