Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
