Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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