She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
