After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
