Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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