I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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