i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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