You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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