Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
