Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
