I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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