Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
