is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
