I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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