I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
