So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Life is so much better after having sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
