party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
