I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
