When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
