i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
