Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
