Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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