I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
