she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
