I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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