It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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