My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
