i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
