Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
