If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
