so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
