Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
