you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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