As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
