dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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