i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
