i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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