Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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