Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
