Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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