from now on my penis is your penis
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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