apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
40s are totally the cure
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
