Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
