2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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