I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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