well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
