if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
