highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
