Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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