i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i now understand why vodka
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
