I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
