I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
