i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
