grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
