Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
