so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
