I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
