well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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