This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
