ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
